Sketches of what I want to say.

Since I want to feel accomplished before I vacation (perhaps I'll write then, too), here are fragments of ideas of notions of magic potions to turn words into marvelous endeavors.

Hello.

If you don't know already, by the way, why aren't you listening to Girl Talk's Feed the Animals? You can pay as you like ala Radiohead's In Rainbows. Plus, there's a sample of "15 Step" from that same album. Coincidence? Not to mention the "Paranoid Android" sample. Or, "I Was Born (A Unicorn)". Or, "Autumn Sweater". Or, "No Diggity". After all, the first cassette I ever bought was Blackstreet's. Oh man. Well, just enjoy the jams.

I was joking with Danny about the 'To Kill a Mockingbird' conundrum. We had been discussing how Arcade Fire screwed themselves over by releasing a near-perfect album on their first try. By comparison, Neon Bible had nothing on Funeral. Most likely, they will never achieve the same level of greatness. This is partly why Harper Lee never wrote again; you write your To Kill a Mockingbird, then you disappear. You cannot reproduce that. Anything else would only dillute your greatness. In Radiohead's case, they did it perfectly. Pablo Honey is a shite-to-average record, whereas every subsequent album they've released has been great, and two of them are practically unstoppable (OK Computer and Kid A). Although they may never achieve those same highs, they will still produce good albums without the harmful afterglow of their previous work. This is why I'm going to make certain that the first thing I publish or distribute on a larger scale is crap. When they interview me, I'll go, "Oh, yeah, that? I intentionally tried to screw it all up." Yes, I will dumb down my own work. And, uh, if the rest of what I produce is also crap, well, it's because the first work was perfect and I ruined it. I should've been the sort that releases one great work, then cannot repeat it. All I would have done is screw myself out of that, too. Ho-hum. It's a failure all around.

Okay, that's basically it for now. After all, I'm having an energy crisis myself. I'm supposed to leave for the Outer Banks in North Carolina in a few hours, and I'm too tired to do much of anything.

I'm sober now, hopefully for good, and I'm working on my concentration. I want to be less scatterbrained, and more potty-trained. Erm. Yeah.

I'm going to rediscover myself. And, maybe you, too.

Music I intend to listen to:

Coldplay (last time, in 2003, "Scientist" was all over the beach radios)
Radiohead's Hail to the Thief (bought it on vacation)
Third Eye Blind's Blue
Neil Young's On the Beach
The Beach Boys (why not?)
Brian Eno's Ambient 4: On Land
Beach House
Echo & the Bunnymen's Ocean Rain
Tom Waits' Bone Machine
Weezer's Blue self-titled album
Blur's self-titled album
Ben Folds Five
Philip Glass' Einstein on the Beach
...and more!

After all, I've adapted quite a lot since my last trip to the Cape Hatteras area. I write better and listen to better music, yet I have even less of a grasp of who I am or wish to be.

What can you do?

Let it be.