I'm a die-hard fan of Die Hard.

Where've I been? Oh, right, that. Well, for one, I discovered twitter. Yes, I'm still thinking about a novel, and anytime I think of a good line to toss into the fiction pit, I reassure myself "that's a novel idea!" It's not as hard as it looks, really. And some of these toss-off ideas have been churned out in the form of the twitter-machine. Okay, pretty much all of them. In fact, this blog is a half-baked afterthought, considering I'm not at all baked on this 4/20. Either way, I've used it as an outlet for random jokes, observations, current music obsessions and witticisms to varied effect.

Here are some highlights you might've missed (yes, I'm doing the work of filtering for you):

(to promote my last blog):
Chevy Cobalt sales drop 42%. Thanks to theplanetpluto.net, hovercraft sales soar. The future floats like my hope for a new Avalances album.
11:46 AM Apr 2nd from txt

I missed the 'H' in Avalanches. These are the sacrifices of texting twits, and learning to be legit.
7:19 PM Apr 2nd from web

This is when I begin to experiment with rhyming twits.

I'm doing twitter on the shitter; and it should also be mentioned that sleeping on the couch isn't so glamorous either.
10:17 AM Apr 3rd from txt

I saw a profound bumper sticker from a handicapped car that read "Bush... It". Also, My Morning Jacket's "Golden" is still just that.
12:36 PM Apr 3rd from txt

Carlos Santana wants Obama to legalize pot. Carlos, just because we have a cool black president doesnt mean he's in charge of your next fix.
8:06 PM Apr 3rd from txt

I had a dream where I was wearing metallic blue crocs and had become a lamer version of an already lame person.
9:39 AM Apr 4th from txt

I should've submitted this dream to the 'dream bank'. I hope they approve me for a loan tonight.

Now that I'm conscious, I'm listening to the Antlers and feeling a little bit cooler already.
9:40 AM Apr 4th from txt

When exactly is the 'golden age'? For my sake, I hope I reach it in a month at 24: the age they first published Bukowski, so why not me?
12:51 PM Apr 4th from txt

I'm being told that in literary works, the Golden Age typically ends with a devastating event which brings about The Fall. I'm OK with that.
7:48 PM Apr 4th from web

Like the other post-Unicorns project Islands, Clues feels like the fun has been stripped from the affair despite mythical speak of dragons.
11:33 AM Apr 5th from txt

If you work at a bowling alley, would you still go on strike? And if you do, would it be misconstrued as a good thing?
1:57 PM Apr 5th from txt

I like the eerie self-preserving feeling of a sabre-toothed tiger preening in the evening.
11:20 PM Apr 5th from web

So, what's the tweet on the streets? What little twittle makes you giggle while you piddle? And, which is your twit favourite?
11:35 PM Apr 5th from web

Countryside kids trade city conveniences for travelling long distances. Make trade fair, invent a teleport & I'll go anywhere outside Ohio.
2:54 PM Apr 6th from txt

New White Rabbits album produced by Britt Daniel of Spoon is the kick in the teeth that I need and didn't realize I needed.
3:01 PM Apr 6th from txt

If snow were King Kong's blow, I wish he'd insufflate it already. Forget the fighter planes, he'll fall himself and not just for his woman.
8:18 AM Apr 7th from web

And now same-sex marriage has spread to Vermont. It's only a matter of time before it drops down to the phallic region of the US: Florida.
5:35 PM Apr 7th from txt

In my youth, I played Sonic games and read the comic. In my golden years, I listen to Sonic Youth and I've been to a Sonic restaurant once.
5:48 PM Apr 7th from txt

I wonder if submarine sandwhiches taste better below sea level. Oh well, bottoms up.
5:49 PM Apr 7th from txt

@tmtzine "No unfurling" or "climaxing"? New Junior Boys album sounds like most of my dates, only smoother and glossier.
12:09 PM Apr 8th from web in reply to tmtzine

Microblogging is the best thing since Micro Machines.
1:31 PM Apr 8th from txt

Creepy Old Navy mannequins talking about making the beast with two backs makes me go Micro-soft
3:44 PM Apr 8th from web

There's a house on top of the Fort Pit Tunnel, but all I did was walk under a restaurant's funnel to the garbage can on the south side.
1:10 AM Apr 9th from web

What is wrong with this broccoli? It's white...
4:09 PM Apr 9th from txt

Good ideas only arise during monotonous acts like mowing the lawn and using the restroom.
4:59 PM Apr 10th from txt

So, I wonder which filthy restroom Dirty Projectors, Canadian slang for penis(?), wrote their pretty new album in.
5:01 PM Apr 10th from txt

'Text' should never be a verb, so for the next "text the cellie" request I hear, I'll tell them to verb off & find a proper noun that cares.
9:50 AM Apr 11th from txt

(On Easter Day)
For the purpose of themes, listen to Patti Smith's Easter, Man Man's Rabbit Habits, and Dirty Projectors' Bitte Orca only 'cuz it's great.
11:55 AM Apr 12th from web

If "Stillness Is the Move", then this is the groove to set myself in motion in the morning.
9:51 AM Apr 14th from txt

Also, a notable antithesis to Chad VanGaalen's slacker anthem, "Inside the Molecules", that reads: 'I wake up early in the afternoon...'.
9:55 AM Apr 14th from txt

What did one bloodthirsty vampire say to the other in tune to Animal Collective? "When the sun goes down, we'll go out again."
7:28 PM Apr 15th from txt

What do you call yourself if you're a die-hard fan of Die Hard?
6:09 PM Apr 16th from txt

There's a resurgence of bedbugs, but I should be OK. I purchased a surplus of bug-sized beds to set up a bedbug & breakfast & turn a profit.
3:11 AM Apr 17th from txt

What exactly is the mass appeal of an exhibitionist biker band mixed with 80s hair & synth? Gil Mantera's Party Dream: as bad as it sounds.
12:58 AM Apr 18th from txt

Which album from this decade would Somali pirates place at #1? My guess: Original Pirate Material- you're listening to the Streets.
9:13 AM Apr 18th from txt

Raccoon-eyed old men fawn over fool's gold at the empty Cash for Gold stand on their daily mall walk.
10:07 AM Apr 18th from txt

Is it time already, this early into a poor economy, to cash in on their pocket watches and gold cross necklases?
10:09 AM Apr 18th from txt

I wonder if Lincoln gave his favourite floozy a prostitution ring to prove his continued interest in purchase.
2:01 PM Apr 18th from txt

I'm going to see "New Zealand's 4th most popular guitar-based digi-bongo accapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo" in Kent. Who rocks the party?
3:45 PM Apr 19th from web

Since when was The Streets (Mike Skinner) good again? Recently, on his twitter posted mp3s. Please believe, I didn't expect much from these.
5:03 PM Apr 19th from web

How do you start a successful ice cream shop in a small farm town? Find out next Twit.
6:51 PM Apr 19th from txt

...don't call it an ice cream parlor; call it a Dairy Bar. Closing time is last call for dairy dessert. Brain freezes are the new hangovers.
7:01 PM Apr 19th from txt

Look at those savages walking through the wet grass to avoid the crowds on the cement.
9:55 PM Apr 19th from txt

If theres one way to clear a room after the Flight of the Conchords show, its to play the Ting Tings loudly.
9:56 PM Apr 19th from txt

How long is a 'jiffy'? BW3's pamphlet claims it is 1/100th of a second. I am wasting jiffys by typing this. I will twit again in a jiffy.
11:19 PM Apr 19th from txt

(And then I discovered thieves' cant...)

How dost do my buff. Twittered my noddle off at two dry boots yest. Now, I quibble in the scotch-mist.
about 6 hours ago from web


Synthesis of April: Twitter lowers my writing standards, the Antlers are cool, Age 24 is the Golden Age, Clues aren't quite as cool as the Antlers or White Rabbits, Junior Boys lose some of their cool on their latest album, Dirty Projectors are awesome and I'm projecting them at placing 3rd so far this year (behind Animal Collective and Grizzly Bear, respectively, yet ahead of Phoenix and many great others), Die Hard fans are at a loss for words, perfect rhymes are lame and so is Gil Mantera's Party Dream, old men love shiny things, Flight of the Conchords rock the party.

Fair?

Until next time, make sure you're listening to Dirty Projectors and others. And hopefully I'll post reviews of the shows I've seen lately: Mountain Goats/John Vanderslice, Junior Boys/Max Tundra, Gil Mantera's Party Dream and Flight of the Conchords. The latter of which opened their set with this tune: