Today, in honor of the only tolerable way to listen to Justin Bieber, I am going to do everything 800% slower:
J. BIEBZ - U SMILE 800% SLOWER by Shamantis
This version of "U Smile" is like pubescent whales discovering their blossoming pubic hair 800 leagues below sea level. That is to say it's awesome, naturally. There's elements of ambient and drone music here, and the vocals take on a Sigur Rós quality. The most remarkable revelation comes in realizing the first ten crawling minutes of this version goes so much faster than the original, where you're wondering how soon you can shut it off.
In other musical news, my parents saw a local band at a bike night named The Chubbies. Don't worry kids, it's because the cover band is mostly fat (one dieted). Poor band names can often be a quick deterrent from listening; there was a new indie band called Fuck, I'm a Ghost.
And fuck, who wants to listen to them? Some people on the torrent website, apparently.
Other bad band names compiled for your pleasure:
Hoobastank, Nickelback (story: "Lead singer Chad Kroeger was having trouble coming up with a name, approached his brother, who worked at a Starbucks. Coffee was $1.95, which meant every customer who paid two bucks got a nickel back."), Smashing Pumpkins, The The, Limp Bizkit, of Montreal (not of Montreal), The Mr. T Experience, Panic! At the Disco, Chumbawamba, Hootie & the Blowfish, !!!, Ass Ponys, The Gay, Anal Warhead, Feed God Cabbage, The Powernude, Jizz Kids, Dwarf Bitch, Lesbian Dopeheads on Mopeds, Mr. Mister, Anal Cunt, I'm from Barcelona (another "no, you're not!"), Mest (and, uh, I liked them eight years ago), Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Enuff Z'nuff, Staind, This Bike Is a Pipe Bomb, Oh No! Oh My!, Pissed Jeans, Test Icicles, and the various fictional ones from Parks and Rec's Season 1 finale: The Andy Andy Andies, God Hates Figs, Fiveskin, Just the Tip, Teddy Bear Suicide, Penis Pendulum (full list here).
From now on, America, I want you to call me The Mr T Experience. Thank you.
If you're wondering where they fuck I've been for nearly two weeks, well I've been listening to the remastered Beatles albums (again for some, others for the first time) and riding my restored roughly-1970 yellow 3-speed English bicycle. Look for yourself, Byclops:
If poor comedic timing could mate with has-beens, David Hasselhoff's Roast would be its stillborn baby; dead on delivery like the Expendables. I plan to avoid this 80's action movie rehash, but yes, Inception was grand, and I plan to see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World soon. Concerning the act of Inception, of all the good causes, I've an idea to plant in the world's subconscious: not to buy $6 and up popcorn at the movies to lower prices.
If you have seen Inception, and need some thought prodding, check out CokeMachineGlow's Meta Musical Motif piece and this opinion article on the movie's meaning. Or, this could ruin the movie in three frames for you.
Okay, seriously, I must go now. You assume the weather's fine from where you're sitting, but when I assume a farting position, it will soon be Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.